may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
