my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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