____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
