you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
