paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I smell like Dick and happiness
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
