my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
