Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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