If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
