Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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