you guys were way drunker than both of me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
