carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
