I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize