I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
