i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
