my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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