i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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