her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My feet surprised me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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