He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
