you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
