You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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