Little spoons don't ask big questions
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
