it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
