You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
