I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
