they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
