he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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