woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
