Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
