One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
