I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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