Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
God, I missed his penis.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize