Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
