would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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