He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
