Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
