so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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