She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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