I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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