Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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