ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
