Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Who died my cat blue again?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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