i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
