Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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