I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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