i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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