R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
