He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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