You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
