Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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