you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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