If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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