So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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