Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
