2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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