Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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