Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
