dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
