i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
