I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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