not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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