Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I look better un-naked...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
