I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
