I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I believe in your delicious
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
