the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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