well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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