Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The struggles of a small town man whore
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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