I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
and she was petting her beer can
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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