You're so nebulous sometimes
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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