That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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