Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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