Where did you get a picture of my penis
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
