I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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