I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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